Leaving the Past Behind
by Witchytara25
Summary: Kimi makes a tough choice. Femmeslash.


Title: Leaving the Past  
  
Author: Witchytara24  
  
Summary: Kimi makes the hardest decision that she has ever had to make in her lifetime.  
  
Raiting: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned them, trust me, the series would not be suitable for the under 16 crowd. They belong to Klausky, Viacom, Nickeldeon, and whoever else claims them. I'm just trying to tell a story. A vauge disclaimer is nobody's friend.  
  
A/N: Okay, I know its been awhile since I've updated, but this story has nothing with the first one I wrote. Maybe it does, I haven't decided yet. But as you can tell, this story is Femmeslash, meaning I wrote about the idea of two women being in love. If this sickens you, bothers you, or makes you uncomfortable, hit the back button and be gone, because I don't have time for idiots. And if you choose to flame me, I will just laugh at you and make fun of you and tell my girlfriend and everyone else and we will laugh at you for days on end. The song verse this story is centered around is Michelle Branch's "Goodbye To You," off of her Spirit Room album. So, please, read, review and enjoy.  
  
Deciation: To the love of my life. Thank you for believing in me.  
  
~For all things I believed in  
  
I just want to get this over with  
  
Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry  
  
Counting the days that pass me by  
  
I've been searching deep down in my soul  
  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old  
  
Feels like I'm starting all over again  
  
The last three years were just pretend~  
  
Michelle Branch, Goodbye To You  
  
  
  
Sighing, I glance at the boxes that surround me, and I feel the tears push against my eyes. I blink them away, determined not to cry anymore than I already have. I pick up the last box and start move it over to the other ones. I glance around, wondering if I have forgotten anything and decide that if I have, I can always come back and get it later. Gives me an excuse to check in on her, make sure everything is alright, I think to myself, hating myself at the same time for thinking it. I'm leaving because I have to, not because I want too. She has a problem, a problem with drinking, and the only way to help her is by leaving her, and maybe by me leaving her, she can get the help she needs.  
  
I didn't arrive at this decision lightly. I've loved her since we were 18 years old. Friends all of our lives, we've been together the last three years, sharing everything. But recently, her drinking has gotten worse. Always a drinker, since we started high school, what was once an occasional drink on the weekends is now an every night occasion. I've tried everything I can do to help her, but nothing seems to work. So I'm leaving, leaving her behind and hopefully helping her face whatever demons is causing her to drinking to drive her this far out of control.  
  
The doorbell rings and I blink the tears away, opening it. Outside stands the movers and I let them in, and watch as they begin to pick up the boxes that have my life, our life in them. After all, as far back as my memories go, she is in them, and this kills me more than anyone will ever realizeto leave her behind.   
  
My brother and his best friend come walking up to the door and they both give me sympathetic looks and I smile slightly. Not able to hide anything from them, I step outside to talk to them and Chuckie immediately notices my face. "Tough day, Kimi?"  
  
"No, this is the best day of my life. I'm leaving the only person I've ever truly loved behind. What do you expect me to do? Hire a band and do cartwheels down the street, shouting that I'm leaving the love of my life behind?"  
  
"Now Kimi, no need to get sarcastic........."  
  
"Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer."  
  
Tommy interrupts then, knowing that my nerves are on edge. "Have you seen her today?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you sure you can do this?"  
  
"No, but I know its the right thing to do. If I keep standing here catching her everytime she falls, she's never going to get better."  
  
Tommy nods and doesn't say anything else. Chuckie stands there, watching the movers and no one says anything for a long moment. Tommy speaks quietly then. "Does she know?"  
  
"She knows, she just refuses to accept it. I've threatened it before, but never actually done it until now."  
  
Nodding, both guys fall silent and I keep surpressing the tears that threaten to fall.   
  
"Miss?" the mover asks, breaking into my thoughts, "We're ready to go. Is that all?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Nodding, they get into their van and drive to my new apartment across town. I sit there and look at the house that Lil and I have shared for three years. Tommy comes over and puts his arm around my shoulder. "It'll be okay, Kimi, you know that."  
  
"I know," I say softly, "But why do the last three years that we've been together feel like its all been pretend?" Chuckie moves to comfort me, but I walk away and towards the house.  
  
Sighing, I walk through the empty rooms that once held everything. Memories assult me at every corner. From the bedroom where we spent many nights making love, to the kitchen where we always had breakfast together, every corner of this house assults me with memories. I hear footsteps behind me and I sigh softly. "I'll be ready in a minute, Tommy."  
  
"Why are you doing this?" the voice asks softly behind me and I whirl around, facing Lil.  
  
"Why do you think? I've told you, its either me or the alcohol, and you chose the alcohol."  
  
"I don't have a problem, why do you think that I do?"  
  
I throw up my hands in a mixture of frustration and dispair. "My God, Lil, its 10:30 in the fucking morning and I can smell the alcohol on you from here. You reek of it."  
  
"I don't have a problem."  
  
"You sound like a broken record. I'm tired of it. You can't get better as long as I'm a crutch for you to hold on to." I move away from her, and start out the door and she reaches to stop me but I walk away. She brushes past me and heads towards the kitchen and I know what she is going to do, she's going to get a drink. I follow her and stare at her in the doorway. "Why are you doing this?"  
  
Pouring herself a drink, she mumbles, "Why do you care? You're gonna leave no matter what I say."  
  
"Maybe if you'd tell me the truth and not bullshit, I wouldn't. But you won't admit you have a problem."  
  
"So I like to drink? So what? What difference does it make?"  
  
"It makes a hell of a lot of difference when you can't even remember where you were the night before."  
  
"So? You like to drink also."  
  
"Occisonally, Lillian, occasionally. Not all the time. Not like you."  
  
She goes to take a sip and as I watch her, I'm flooded with memories. Of how things never used to be like this, how once she would talk to me and never drink. Somehow, things spun totally out of control and now I'm facing losing her to drinking or walking away and hoping that this wakes her up.  
  
"You know, Kimi, you used to be fun. When did you turn into such a drag?" She slurs her words and I stare at her, tears filling my eyes. I knock the drink out of her hand in one fluid motion and she stares at me, totally in shock. Its the first time in all the years we've known each other I've ever raised my hand to her in anyway.  
  
"I tried to hold on to you, Lil. I really did, but when I made you choose between drinking or me, and you chose drinking, it was time to go. I can't sit here and watch you slowly kill yourself and pretend that everything is alright. I refuse to live a lie."  
  
"Kim........." she starts to say, but Tommy reappears then and says quietly, "You ready Kimi?"  
  
Nodding, I look at Lil. "I tried to hold on, Lil, remember that, I tried too, but you decided that you loved alcohol more than you loved me."  
  
Looking into her eyes, I'm reminded why I fell in love with her in the first place. I tear my gaze away and look towards Tommy. Nodding, I start towards him and she reaches out and places her hand on my arm. "Can't we work this out? Please?"  
  
Shaking my head, I say quietly, trying not to give into the tears, "No."  
  
"Please, I promise I'll change."  
  
"You always say that and nothing every changes. You've promised me that for six months. How much longer are you going to keep promising me this? All your telling me is lie after lie. I'm through with the lies."   
  
Tears filling her eyes, she looks at me hard and I see a single tear fall down her face. I long to reach over and brush it away, but I know touching her will make me lose my resolve and walk away. She tries to touch me, but I move out of her reach. I turn my back, not wanting her to see the tears that fill my eyes. "Why do you have to make this so damn hard, Kimi? Why can't you see that I need you."  
  
I say quietly, "You don't need me. You haven't proven you needed me. You've proven you need to drink more than you need me. What do you want me to do? I've known you all my life, fell in love with you when I was 15 years old. Yet, it seems my love isn't enough to make you stop drinking. So, it's time for me to move on with my life. Maybe this will prove to you that you have a problem." Walking past her, I see her flee from the room and I give into the tears, sinking against the wall. When did everything go so wrong? Why did everything go so wrong?   
  
I feel an arm around my shoulder and I know instinctively that its Tommy. "Hey, everything will be alright, you'll see. We've all tried to help her, but no one more so than you."  
  
Smiling slightly through my tears I look at Tommy. "Yeah, then why does it feel like as soon as I walk out that door, I'll never return in the same way again?"  
  
"Because we're all different people than we were three years ago. Things have changed."  
  
"Yeah, but it hurts like hell, you know that, right?"  
  
"I know."  
  
I brush my tears away and stand up, and I look up at Tommy. "Thanks."  
  
"No problem. Are you ready to go."  
  
"No, but let's do this before I give in."  
  
I straighten my shoulders and walk out without looking back, trying to ignore the heart wrenching sobs coming from upstairs. I set my jaw and walk out the door. Walking out the door, I see Phil and I pause. The look in his eyes is one of sadness. He opens his arms and I fly into them, giving into the sobs that I have been surpressing for the last three weeks.  
  
"I'm glad you're here."  
  
"Kimi, I don't blame you for what your doing. Maybe this will wake her up. She's lost everything that matters now. The only thing left for her is that damn alcohol."  
  
"Yeah, but somehow I have a feeling that this is either going to wake her up or destroy her. I'm just not sure which one."  
  
"Maybe a little bit of both." He pulls back and wipes my tears away and I smile slightly. "Still taking care of me after all these years, DeVille?"  
  
"You better believe it, Finster." He smiles and I lay my head against his chest, weeping. Weeping for what I've lost with Lil, weeping for what I am leaving behind. Weeping for the things that I could not change but so want too.  
  
"Are you ready, Kimi?"  
  
"As ready as I'll ever be." With that, I turn and walk away from a house that was once full of love and laughter that is now a house full of pain and heartache. I am hoping that this will wake her up, because I know that in the end, I have to do what is best for me.  
  
As my friends walk away, I stop and look back at the house. Whispering so softly so no one can hear me, I say, "Goodbye, Lil."  
  
A/N2: Well, do you think that I should write Lil's point of view or not? Read and Review. 


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